Removing The Lie
by LittleLizzieZentara
Summary: What if it wasn't Castle who said 'ILY' when Kate got shot? What if it was Kate? To be safe, I'll say potential spoilers for all episodes, particularly through season 3 and 4x01. Episodes 4x19-4x23 are referenced in the A/N.


**Natalie Elizabeth and I were talking about the season 3 finale when I suddenly came up with an idea: What if it wasn't Castle who said the 'ILY', but Kate? How would that change things? That turned into a long conversation that resulted in two related but separate story ideas. Here is the first one; Natalie will be writing the second one.**

**Kate lying about remembering what Castle said never set well with me. It was the burr under the saddle that bugged me all season long-well, until the last 10 minutes or so of 'Always,' anyway. So I decided to remove it all together. Which is how I FINALLY came up with the title for this.**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Castle. I repeat: I do not own Castle.**

* * *

"KATE!"

Castle's frantic cry was the only warning Kate got before his body slammed into hers. A sharp, burning pain seemed to explode within her as he tackled her to the ground. She tried to draw in a breath but it seemed to get stuck in her throat.

"Kate…."

He was leaning over her, tears in his eyes. Had she ever seen Castle moved to tears before? He looked so worried. She faintly registered his hands darting from one place to the next, briefly touching her waist, her shoulders, her neck.

It was bad. Whatever it was, it was bad.

If this was it, where she made her stand, he had to know.

"Castle…"

"Shhh..."

No, she had to tell him.

"Always…."

If that was all she was able to get out, she hoped he would understand.

"Stay with me Kate…."

She wanted to, more than anything. If there was a way, she would find it.

Her vision rippled. Was she drowning? Except…she wasn't near any river or lake.

Was she?

"Kate, please…"

The agony in his voice pierced her heart as much as the bullet. Because it had to be a bullet, she suddenly realized. That was the only thing that made sense. Breathing would have been even more difficult if she'd been drowning.

Wouldn't it?

"Stay with me, okay?"

"Castle…"

She could hear her voice, faint as it was. Her vision went from wavy to dim, telling her she didn't have much time left.

She had to say it now.

"I love you…"

* * *

_We are bound by our choices…._

The ground rocked and rolled beneath her. Kate thought she heard Lanie's voice, but she couldn't make out the words.

Her choices had led to this. She'd dived head-first into her rabbit hole, and pulled Castle right along with her.

Where was he? Was he safe?

Had her mother's killer gotten him, too?

* * *

_We are more than our mistakes…._

You did what you had to, now do what you're supposed to.

Kate didn't know where the words came from; the voice wasn't familiar. But her mind grabbed on to them and wouldn't let go.

Time lost all meaning.

Unknown voices…

Unfamiliar tugs and pricks along various parts of her body…

Intrusive bright lights…

Finally, she could breathe again.

All the while, the words from that unknown voice wouldn't leave her alone.

She didn't know why, but it was as if the universe was trying to send her a message.

And now she was thinking like Castle.

Castle…

It wasn't until Josh entered the room-she guessed it must be her recovery room-that the words finally made sense.

She had started dating Josh because she had decided that she needed to move on, that her feelings for Castle needed to be buried so deep even she would never be able to dig them up again. She and Josh had been dating for a little over two weeks when Castle came back. It was when she found out that he was still with his ex-wife that Kate assured herself that she had done the right thing, sternly quieting her heart's feeble protests.

Her heart didn't cooperate. The protesting just got louder and louder until 'the kiss.'

She knew then that her relationship with Josh was never going to go anywhere. But she had stubbornly held on, especially after he gave up Haiti for her. She felt she owed it to him to give them a chance.

That was her first mistake.

Flirting with Castle, giving him frequent glimpses of how she really felt, all while still dating Josh.

Her second mistake.

Not telling Castle how she felt until she lay bleeding, not knowing if she would live another minute, let alone another day, was her third mistake.

She had done what she had to do to cope with her broken heart.

Now she needed to do what she was supposed to.

She needed to make things right.

For all of them.

* * *

_If you're very lucky, you find someone willing to stand with you._

"Hey, Castle."

Her voice was soft but raspy. Kate supposed that was to be expected after what she had just been through. Her dad had explained things to her: how Castle had tackled her to the ground, how they had rushed her to the hospital and how she'd almost not made it out of surgery. He didn't want to tell her that last part, but she had insisted on him telling her everything he knew.

"Hey."

The uncertain expression on Castle's face made Kate want to take him in her arms and promise him that everything would be okay. Since she was physically incapable of doing the first and he wouldn't believe the second, she did the next best thing.

She made an attempt at their usual banter.

"You're staring at me," she said, slowly running a hand through her tangled hair. "I must look really bad."

A really pathetic attempt.

"No. I just never thought I would see you again."

That look in his eyes…She had seen it so many times over the last few months and ignored it. That showed how weak, and paradoxically how strong, she had been. Too weak to own up to how she felt, and strong enough to keep from giving in to those feelings.

Not anymore.

"I heard you were opening a flower store, so I thought I would pitch in."

Wow, for Castle that attempt at humor was horrible.

Kate watched as Castle walked over to set the flowers next to the multitude that were already there before sitting in the chair next to her.

"They were all here when I woke up," she told him. "I think they're mostly from the precinct." She made another attempt at their normal banter. As much as things were about to change, she needed to know they were still 'them.' "I don't think I'm going to live this one down, Castle."

"No, probably not."

Shyness gripped her suddenly and she turned her head. But she didn't try to hide her smile. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Castle's look of hopeful expectation.

It was easier to speak without looking at him directly. "Thank you, for saving me." She bit her lip before adding. "Again."

"We're partners; it's what we do." His tone was blasé, but the look in his eyes was not. "So-"

It was an odd thing, hearing Castle so hesitant.

"You remember?" he finally asked.

"Yeah."

"What, exactly, do you remember?"

Kate wasn't surprised that Castle wasn't taking anything for granted. If she had been in his situation, she wouldn't have, either. Having missing pieces when trying to remember a traumatic event was all too common. The night of her mother's murder had taught her that.

She forced herself to turn and look into his eyes before she continued. "I remember you yelling out my name, tackling me, begging me to stay with you-"

Kate expected him to prompt her to continue, but he didn't. Instead, he just waited with the patience that she had come to expect from him.

Getting the words out seemed to be as difficult as it had been the first time, but for a different reason. That first time the struggle had been speaking through the pain.

Now it was speaking through the fear. Fear that he hadn't been ready to hear it, mainly. But also a slight fear that he may not want her to mean those words the way she did. That last one was silly, she knew, but he had never said the words to her, even in the two times that she all but asked him to. With their frequent subtext, shouldn't 'Why do you keep coming back, Rick?' and 'What about you, Rick?' been obvious enough?

Evidently not.

Maybe he had just been showing respect for her relationship with Josh, since she only broke up with the man a little over an hour ago.

There was only one way to find out.

"And I remember-"

"What, Kate?" Castle prompted after she failed to continue after a few moments.

"I said 'Always.' If I didn't make it, I wanted you to know."

"Know what?"

Was he really that insecure? Although after the way she held on to her relationship with Josh for so long, she couldn't really blame him. And it wasn't like she hadn't had her moments of insecurity herself.

The most recent of which was mere seconds ago.

"That I-"

It should _not _be this hard. This was Castle. She knew this man and he knew her. But communication had never been her strong suit. She was used to dealing with subtext with him, not just blurting out whatever she was thinking or feeling.

Kate heard her pulse start to pound in her ears and she felt herself getting light-headed.

She needed to say it before the machines hooked up to her went crazy and nurses rushed in and made her miss her chance.

"I needed you to know that I love you, Castle," she let out in a rush. The pure joy in his eyes at her words gave her the courage to continue. "I couldn't leave you thinking that I wanted to be with anyone but you. I just want you."

"Kate…" Castle took her hands in his, his gaze as serious as she had ever seen it. "I love you." His voice had a breathy quality, like he was awed that he was finally allowed to say the words.

He probably was.

So was she.

Releasing her hands, Castle scooted closer to her until he could put an arm around her. Once her head was resting against his shoulder he dropped a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you, Kate," he said a moment later. It was like once he said the words he could no longer hold them back.

She let out a contented sigh as Castle started lightly running his fingers through her hair, gently working out the tangles.

Kate had no illusions about how long and arduous her recovery was going to be. It was going to be an uphill battle for a few months. But with Castle by her side, Kate knew she could carry on the fight.

And win.

* * *

**I can't believe how little I've written so far this year. I keep wanting to work on finishing other stories or adding chapters to stories already written but my muse has other ideas. I've learned to not make promises about when, or what, I'm going to be writing next. So, am I wrong, or has no one else come up with an idea like this? If there are others like this, can someone let me know, because I would really like to read them.**

**Oh, and before I forget-because I'm sure someone will point it out in the reviews: I do not know enough about medical stuff (I don't even watch 'Grey's Anatomy' or any of those other doctor shows) to know if Kate would have still be able to talk after getting shot. So, for this story, since it's fan fic anyway, let's just say she can.**


End file.
